Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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