I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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