saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
