you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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