Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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