The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
