the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
