Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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