There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
