I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
