I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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