Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
