Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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