I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
