Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
