Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
