Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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