He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
