bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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