Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
