had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
