It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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