Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
