I like my sex mixed with concussions.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
