you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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