I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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