It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
