Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
