Ambien. No doubt about it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure