Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD