I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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