At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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