Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
