I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
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Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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