Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize