doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
