I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
