dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
