i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
