my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
cat food counts as protein by the way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
