if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
