watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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