Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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