Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
