wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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