I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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