Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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