I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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