I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
