I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
