Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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