Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
