twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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