I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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