i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
