remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
either way he was missing a nipple.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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