never play flip cup with pint glasses
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
