i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
