ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
