True but thats because hes a fetus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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