Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
