we have pet lesbian snakes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
