Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
