meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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