Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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