finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
