I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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