Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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