What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
