I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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