do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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