Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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