Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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