The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
