even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
