maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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